The Memorable Thoughts of Socrates BOOK II. CHAPTER III. - Xenophan Modernized

Narrator: Chaerephon and Chaerecrates were two brothers who had fallen out with each other. Socrates, who knew them both, wanted to help them reconcile. One day, he approached Chaerecrates and said:

Socrates: "Are you one of those people who value wealth more than family? Do you not see that money, being lifeless, needs protection, while a brother is someone who can protect you? And isn’t it true that there is plenty of money in the world but only one brother? Isn’t it absurd to think a brother has wronged you simply because you don’t share in his wealth? By that logic, should you also believe that the entire world is against you just because you don’t own what belongs to others?

"People wisely choose to live in communities, accepting a modest fortune rather than isolating themselves in pursuit of everything their neighbors have. Yet, oddly enough, this logic doesn’t seem to apply to their own brothers. The wealthy buy servants to assist them, seek out friends for support—but they neglect their own siblings, as if a brother is less fit to be a friend than a stranger. And yet, isn't it natural for those born and raised together to form strong bonds? Even animals instinctively stick with their own kind. Besides, having a brother earns a man respect—people are more cautious about offending someone who has a loyal sibling."

Chaerecrates: "You're right—a good brother is a great blessing. And unless there’s a serious reason, I believe siblings should be patient with each other and not separate over minor disagreements. But what if a brother is nothing like he should be? What if he fails in every way? Should I be expected to force a friendship with someone like that?"

Socrates: "Does your brother treat everyone badly, or just you? Does no one speak well of him?"

Chaerecrates: "That’s actually what frustrates me most. He knows how to win people over, but whenever we meet, it feels like he's looking for an argument."

Socrates: "Could it be because you don’t know how to handle him? Think of it this way—if someone tries to use a horse but doesn’t know how to control it, they’ll only get trouble in return. Likewise, if you don’t understand how to deal with your brother, can you really expect anything but frustration?"

Chaerecrates: "Why do you assume I don’t know how to treat him? I can show him just as much love and respect as he shows me! But when he goes out of his way to make my life difficult, am I supposed to just be kind to him in return? That’s something I can’t—and won’t—do."

Socrates: "It surprises me to hear you speak this way. Tell me, if you had a dog that guarded your flock but growled at you while being friendly to the shepherds, would you react with anger? Or would you try to win it over so it recognized you as its master? Now, you admit that having a good brother is a blessing, and you claim to know how to be kind, yet you refuse to use that ability to mend your relationship with Chaerephon."

Chaerecrates: "I don’t think I have the skill to fix it."

Socrates: "You don’t need any special skill. You already know what it takes to win people over. If you wanted a friend to invite you to a feast, what would you do?"

Chaerecrates: "I’d invite him to mine first."

Socrates: "And if you wanted someone to take care of your affairs while you were away?"

Chaerecrates: "I’d offer to handle his affairs while he was gone."

Socrates: "And if you wanted hospitality from a foreigner when traveling?"

Chaerecrates: "I’d welcome him into my home when he visited my city and help him with his business."

Socrates: "Then why not use the same approach with your brother? Are you afraid that if you take the first step, it will make you look weak? That’s nonsense. A noble and courageous person is the one who extends kindness first—not out of weakness, but out of strength. If I thought Chaerephon were better suited to make amends, I would be persuading him instead of you. But I believe you are the one who can make this happen."

Chaerecrates: "You expect me, the younger brother, to be the one to reach out? Isn’t it always the elder who takes precedence?"

Socrates: "Doesn’t the younger brother already give way in other respects—standing when the elder enters, letting him speak first, offering him the better seat? Then why not take the lead in making peace? Go and speak with him. If he is honorable, he will welcome you. Just as generosity wins over the poor, kindness and respect win over noble hearts."

Chaerecrates: "But what if he still refuses to change?"

Socrates: "Then what have you lost? You will have shown your goodness, while his stubbornness will only reflect badly on him. But I believe that once he sees you reaching out with kindness, he will respond in kind. Right now, you are both in a miserable state—like hands that should help each other but instead work against each other, or like feet that trip each other rather than walk together. Isn’t it foolish to turn something meant for your benefit into a disadvantage?

"After all, God gave us brothers for our good. Two brothers are more valuable to each other than two hands, two feet, or two eyes—because hands cannot reach distant places at once, feet cannot stretch across great distances, and eyes cannot see in all directions. But when two brothers stand united, no distance can separate them from supporting each other."